bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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