worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize