I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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