the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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