look no pants
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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