Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
