better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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