he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
