Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize