So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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