I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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