i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize