I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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