Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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