No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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