$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
