I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You were trust falling into bushes
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
