How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was like eating out sand paper
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
