Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
