Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
