fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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