bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize