okay pat passed out under dana's car
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
