some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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