Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
