Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
