I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
