No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
