He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The air was thick with penises
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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