i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
