You can't special order awesome
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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