I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
