so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
