Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
