I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
