If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
