your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
