My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
