PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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