I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
