I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
