hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
