You're so nebulous sometimes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
