Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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