I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
