i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
