There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
