They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
