Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
