I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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