I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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