Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize