If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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