he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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