I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
