Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
