if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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