My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
