Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Im part way to drunk.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
