it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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