Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
