I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
