Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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