Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
