My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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