addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
