There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
