never play flip cup with pint glasses
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
