I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
