I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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