He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
