I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
