i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
