soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Randomize
