Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
