I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
