oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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