I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
