I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
