Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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