they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
