Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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