and she was petting her beer can
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
