I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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