i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
