Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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