Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
