I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
