I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
