the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
