SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
