I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize