Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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