The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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