If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
